One-Sided

Originally I meant this post to follow on the heels of the previous one, as something of an explanation. Various activities, such as income tax, got in the way. I have also been doing a final edit on my novel The Revengers, which was inspired by the case of Ryo Kiyan and the wall of misunderstanding between the world of Asperger’s syndrome and the neurotypical world.

It’s that wall and where it can lead that is the purpose of this blog and also of the novel. In the latter, Ben’s eagerness for friendship leads him to press too hard on Kelsey Fritz, who perceives that pressure as stalking, and consequently is terrified. Ben sees her terror as a misunderstanding of his intention, when all he wants is to make sure she understands that he has no evil intentions. And so it goes, spiraling into near-tragedy.

That is exactly what happened between Ryo and Miss Mall, although in that case the tragedy actually occurred. Miss Mall’s terror led to events that in the end caused Ryo to take his own life.

As I wrote the last post, I realized that the whole blog may strike readers as one-sided. Blogs, like most written material, are supposed to have a point of view. I did try to be broad-minded and see things from the other side, but this was difficult for two reasons: 1) I had no access to the other side, except to hear it spelled in dry legalese during four days of hearings, and 2) Ryo was living with me at the time, so I could follow all that happened from his point of view and how he felt about it. I could only try to imagine Miss Mall’s feeling of being stalked, although my own reaction would have been annoyance rather than terror. As I mentioned before, Miss Mall testified that she took to carrying a knife and pepper spray, and noting where he left his car before she would venture into the parking lot.

Ryo himself felt bad that Miss Mall was so frightened. Certainly he never meant to produce that effect. He only wanted to talk things over. Since they had been friends, he assumed she knew him well enough to understand that. Obviously she didn’t. Nor could he, being an Aspie, understand what was going on in her mind. Because Sullivan County chose to ignore the fact that he had Asperger’s syndrome, and/or was totally oblivious as to how it can affect a person’s thinking and perception, the ultimate result for Ryo, and for me, as his mother, was heartbreak.

Yes, it’s true that he took his own life. It was his decision. It’s also true that very few people make that decision lightly. He felt he had no future. He felt that the world was a rotten place and he just didn’t fit in. Although the events unfolded gradually, their outcome was a special shock because, after forty-plus years, he thought his life was finally coming together and making sense. He had a job he really enjoyed, and he had friends, especially one who seemed as compatible as Miss Mall.

Many Aspies I know have contemplated suicide—because they feel they don’t fit in. But there is room for them in this world, they have much to contribute, and it’s my hope that eventually more neurotypicals will come to understand that. As a character in The Revengers points out, “Just because a person is different doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with him.”

2 thoughts on “One-Sided

  1. “I could only try to imagine Miss Mall’s feeling of being stalked, although my own reaction would have been annoyance rather than terror.”

    I sincerely hope nobody ever actually stalks you, because this attitude makes you much easier prey for violence from those people who actually are predators when they look and sound like predators.

    You mentioned Gavin de Becker’s book The Gift of Fear : Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence, and I highly recommend than you read it or re-read it.

  2. I agtree with Mark’s comment. It is frightening to be stalked by another person.
    I started a new job recently. Within 24-hours of my starting, I became the target of stalking by a bizarre older man (receptionist) in his 60s or 70s. He would lay in wait for me if I used the ladies’ restroom, stand 1″ behind my body when I used the copier, stand too close to me when I was doing other tasks, come up behind me and stare at me while I was working, etc. He wanted to know where I live and where I take a night class toward a credential I’m earning, even my schedule at the college, etc. I asked him to leave me alone, told him his behavior was inapprorpiate and unwelcome. He did not stop. I wouldn’t even park my car in the garage any more at work, since he knew we all parked there. I had to park my car on various side streets to elude him. I declined to go to a
    going-away lunch, since my bizarre stalker was going to be there. My boss fired me later in the afternoon. So it now involves three law enforcement agencies,
    two government agencies, and attorneys. And all because some bizarre man
    wouldn’t leave me alone and thought that I somehow belonged to him.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s